Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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