My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I came so hard my ears popped.
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