There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
