it's not cheating when I paid for it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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