They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
