he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Even my vagina gasped.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Randomize
