her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
