we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
