Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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