No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
