i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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