Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
