you turned your livingroom into a bong?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Of course I have a pirate flag
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
