Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
