I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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