Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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