areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hippo gnu deer
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
