God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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