She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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