he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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