Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
