Jerry, you need to find god
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fuck appropriateness.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
