My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
