Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
