I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
