I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
People in love make me want to vomit
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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