I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
