I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
