I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
