Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
