As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
This house was built for laser tag.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
