ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
