I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
