I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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