I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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