i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
