Having a random hookup so left but love u
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
