why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
