this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
