its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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