I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
