Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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