Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
