i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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