I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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