I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
then he tried to convert me to islam
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
