Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
