I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
