Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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