we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
