i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
