I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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