Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
