does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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