Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
